’ We have begun our walk and I notice that we are greeted by many people, all of them walking in pairs, men with women, men with men and women with women. All are naked and for the first time I become conscious of the fact that I am naked. Some of the couples do not greet us, and instead they are standing, sitting or lying very still, seeming to gazing into each other’s eyes. I wonder what they are doing. Dionysus who seems to know my every thought says, ‘They are making love, Catriona.’ I am puzzled at this. ‘But they are not coupling… I mean… they aren’t having sexual intercourse.’ ‘Not in the way you have come to understand it, Catriona, but they are more closely bonded than any physical penetrations you have experienced.’ A wave of revulsion sweeps over me. At first I do not know why, but then a apparition rises before me. I see a room, a small gaudy room with a bed. Men come and go as I lie on the bed. Some have stiff penises others are flaccid so I have to work on them. Some. .. But whilst I think that way ‘outwardly’ ... Internally, I just want to be totally degraded, and to act like a total slut ... I spent a lot of my youth trying to think of the worst things I could do ... The absolute worst ... Just the dirtiest, sluttiest, most disgusting things ... The worst thing I could think of was to fuck an animal ... I couldn’t imagine anything worse ... And then I thought about the animal that would be most disgusting – I’ve imagined dogs and horses, but pigs ... Pigs are the most disgusting ... They’re so fat and pink and ugly ... They even sound disgusting ... So, that’s what I think about when I want to get off – it doesn’t matter who I’m with ... That’s the thought...” She pauses, smiling at her admission, then continues... “I know people look down on women who are sexually liberated and free ... And I’ve heard that some of your former guests have lost their jobs – so I know there are potential repercussions to living out my fantasy ... But my employers.
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